dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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