Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize