I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
