I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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