Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
