drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
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Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
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DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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