Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
last night I used snow as a chaser
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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