Dual....:-)
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Can i not drive my cunt home
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
