There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
