you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
