a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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