I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
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Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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