fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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