hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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