I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize