6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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