Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize