I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
