when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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