sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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