OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I want her autograph on my taint
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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