It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
