OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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