in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
