Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
