Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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