Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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