she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
