If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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