So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
