Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
