Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
