Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
