at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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