i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
