i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
