I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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