babies were throwing up all over the place
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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