I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
