Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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