Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
