My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
