There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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