Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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