M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
