I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
