I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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