I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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