why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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