it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
