Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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