Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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