doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
