Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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