you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
