Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
