My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize