lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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