You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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